This one’s about luck and, lucky for us, it’s funny!

Jim’s Take on Episode 2.11: “Rivals”

When you come right down to it, many things in life are simply a matter of luck. Some people seem to have it, and some people just don’t. Personally, I think I’m right in the middle of the luck spectrum. I don’t have DEEPLY bad luck that thwarts everything I do, but I don’t ever win prize drawings or get exciting, unexpected, windfalls either. We probably all feel like luck is against us sometimes, budfjhedryg …Uh, sorry. Minor tea spilling incident there. Just let me clean that up and get back to…now how on Earth did THAT break? And what’s wrong with this chair? I don’t even understand how I fell off of the…Ok. Sorry. Nevermind all that. In DS9’s “Rivals,” we find out just how much everything is all about luck.

When it comes to luck, despite an occasional setback when karma comes calling, no one should ever bet against our favorite Ferengi bartender and entrepreneur. Quark has just enough luck, and just the right lobes, to always win in the end. When the El-Aurian conman Martus shows up on DS9, he makes the tragic mistake of trying to muscle in on Quark’s turf. El-Aurians, by the way, are incredibly long-lived and renowned for their abilities as listeners. Where TNG’s beloved Guinan uses her listening skills and empathy to dish out wise and enigmatic advice, Martus uses his to gain the confidence of others and take them for every cent they have. He’s handsome, he’s smooth, he’s suave, but he is no Quark, for sure. (Fun Fact: This ancient and charming alien who makes a living leeching off of others is played wonderfully by Chris Sarandon, whose greatest role is almost certainly playing the ancient, sexy, charming vampire in the original Fright Night!)

While Martus is busy unwisely using his little “lucky” gambling gizmo to beat Quark at his own game, Chief O’Brien, the most important person in the history of Starfleet, finds his newly built racquetball court invaded by Doctor Bashir…in a stunning silver onesie. I mean, he pulls it off with style and élan, but it’s quite a sight to behold. OF COURSE, it’s just O’Brien’s luck that Bashir not only plays racquetball, and that he was the captain of his medical school team. Despite lowering himself to play by O’Brien’s “old style” rules, Bashir thrashes the Chief, literally to within an inch of his life. He defeats him so badly, and so many times, that he is actually concerned he might cause Miles to have a heart attack right on the court. But O’Brien is not one to ever give up on a challenge and he just can’t let Julian win. I absolutely LOVE his sweaty fury. And, if Julian’s sexy athletic wear wasn’t quite your thing, there is plenty of shirtless O’Brien for everyone to enjoy! Nicely played, DS9.

It all comes together when Quark decides to pit these two rivals against each other in a bid to defeat his own rival. (Remember, this is called “Rivals.”) As everyone’s luck is going awry all over the station, Quark arranges a charity grudge match between Miles “The Mechanic” O’Brien and Julian “The Doctor” Bashir for those poor Bajoran orphans who need blankets for the winter. His benevolence is truly legendary! Sure, he does try to fix the match by drugging Bashir, but still, it’s for the orphans! O’Brien’s sudden winning streak helps them solve the mystery of the “luck plague” afflicting the station, and Quark wins the day, sending Martus packing. 

This is such a fun episode! I love watching these two sets of rivals compete with each other. Julian’s genuine concern and respect for O’Brien is touching, and sets the stage for one of the best friendships in Star Trek history. Quark gets to gloat over his defeated foe and we learn some valuable Rules of Acquisition. My favorite so far is #109: Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. O’Brien gets shirtless and Keiko is supportive for once. I mean, not supportive enough to come watch the match, budbfdbjuniu…How did that spill again? What…where did the…Uh, sorry. Technical difficulties. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. Why is the keyboard doing mneryvckty#(%@mgfhks. Fine. Whatever. Luck! Some of us have it and some of uskjbtjcdtshcf