Jim’s Take Episode 9: “Move Along Home”
“Allamaraine! Move along home!”
I won’t lie to you, this episode makes some odd choices. It kind of feels like a leftover TNG script that they found in the cupboard and used out of sheer panic. A peek at the Deep Space Nine Companion, by Ermann and Block, indicates that there were much bigger plans for this one that involved vast sets and mystifying puzzles, but all of that had to be cut way down due to a budgetary crisis in the first season. Instead, we get a few repeated corridors and some puzzles that aren’t all that…puzzling. As a fan of 1970s Doctor Who, I feel right at home with these elements! Apparently, this is widely considered to be DS9’s worst episode. That seems a little harsh. It’s certainly not great, but it only looks that terrible because the rest of the series is so good. This weak link is up against a very high standard. “Move Along Home” is certainly less than essential, but there is still fun to be had from watching it.
We finally get a little more Sisko/Jake father/son time, which is always good. Sisko’s utter dismay that Jake is learning about girls from Nog is priceless. Poor Nog, though! So much judgement. He might have some great tips for Jake! We don’t know. Give him a chance. I am disappointed that, thanks to Sisko having to “move along home,” we don’t ever get to witness his threatened “talk” with Jake. I bet there was going to be some quality parenting in that discussion!
Another wonderful bit in this episode is watching Sisko’s excitement about an all-important first contact come crashing down. He is so ready for this! He gets all dressed up in his dress uniform, he’s got some great speeches ready about working together, friendship, and Federation values. You see, first contact is like a first date. You have to have a certain respect…and then he spends six hours on his own in Quark’s watching the Wadi gamble and play stupid games. His disappointment and annoyance is palpable. My favorite line from this scene, and I can’t explain why it tickles me so much, is when Quark and the Wadi are trying to find things they both want to gamble with and they offer up some priceless Alpha-Currant Nectar, which Quark finds revolting. Eager to get this stupidity over with, Sisko says crossly, “Quark, take the juice!” Ha!
Shimerman is always so good as Quark that any scene with him in it is guaranteed to be fun.
The Chula game itself is not particularly exciting or unique, but it is fun to watch Quark squirm when he starts to realize that the fate of four senior officers might be in his greedy little hands. Armin Shimerman is always so good as Quark that any scene with him in it is guaranteed to be fun. His sweaty panic which gradually builds under Odos’ surly glare until he breaks down into ridiculously over-the-top groveling to avoid choosing a player to “lose” is hilarious. There really is no amount of debasement that is too low for Quark, as long as it gives him a chance to get what he wants.
By the way, what is it with weird little girls playing hopscotch that makes it so creepy? This trope turns up from time to time and it is always, without fail, quite disturbing. When did this child’s game become so scary? Google tells me that it originated as a training technique for Roman soldiers, which is actually pretty neat, but that cute kid really is icky. It’s all worth it to watch our heroes have to say the rhyme and hop their way across the barrier though. Major Kira is so clearly not happy about this nonsense. Perhaps that is exactly how Nana Visitor felt about it as well…
I can’t pass up another opportunity to point out how useless Lt. Primmen is! The whole senior staff doesn’t show up for duty and he just smirks about what a great party they must have had and lounges about in ops on his own? Where did they get this guy? I can only assume that some Captain just wanted to get him out of the way and a posting to a remote station like DS9 was as far away as he could go. I’ve watched the whole series at least three times before, and I have no memory of Lt. Primmen even existing. Someone get this man a red shirt now!
In the end, the Wadi are weirdos, Sisko and Odo are both clearly considering murdering Quark, and Chula is a terrible “game.”
“Allamaraine! Move along home! You’ve made it to the second shap!” Whatever any of that means.
Until someone devises a collectible version for fans to own, the ways of Chula will just have to remain unknowable. “Allamaraine!”
Return to Episode 9 Guide
Continue to Rhonda’s Take: “Might be fluff, but it isn’t burnt toast”
Skip to Ray’s Take: “Widely panned episode provides nuanced perspective of crew”
Ponderings from the Promenade: A Journey through Star Trek Deep Space Nine 
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